Eating disorder recovery brings dark times. 

I knew it wasn’t going to be linear, controlled, perfect, pretty or even feel nice, but I wasn’t prepared for what it would put me through. During my time with Anorexia, I saw up to 25 hospital admissions in medical, Intensive Care Units, Inpatient & Outpatient Programs as well as moving interstate for treatment. However, the real work started outside of the hospital when I had to confront ED and my inner works on the daily. 

I went through it all.

Mistakes in ED recovery are inevitable, they are part of the process and I believe it necessary to know so strongly why you don’t want to return to a life with ED, but the reason I want to share this with you is because I wish that someone had told me this when I was going through it.

I hope that by sharing my experiences it will inspire hope and resilience for you.

Mistake number 1- Focusing on behaviours and not the root cause.

Reflecting on my journey as an eating disorder survivor I tried so many different ways to fix my ED- eating but overexercising, following diet plans, moving away and distracting myself with work. These are just to name a few. 

It took me a long time to learn the real solution was within.

Changing behaviours does not change your root cause.  When you shift your focus the real work begins although I had to hit some pretty low and dark places through recovery to activate that feeling within. 

Firstly, it was starting slow, it was about trying to develop a relationship with myself one where I hoped I might even like myself in time. To do this, it was facing the inevitable – facing discomfort and sitting through that. Something I had always avoided because, for years, the eating disorder made me feel good. 

There are many ways I am so grateful that my eating disorder stopped working for me and forced me to recover and have no choice but to try different things I may not of previously due to my perfectionism and rigid ways of life. It led me to my Yoga path which opened my mind, healed my body and retrieved my soul to a level I had not known was possible before. It was here I learnt to face and show up for myself daily, instead of the eating disorder and in time build a beautiful and loving relationship with myself. 

Mistake number 2- Staying safe.

Even though I knew eating disorder recovery wasn’t going to be easy, nothing would prepare me for what I went through. I set unrealistic expectations and didn’t know how HARD it would actually be and how opposite from Anorexia it would be. For a long time, it felt so messy I didn’t even know I was in recovery. 

Because of this, I stayed safe for a long time and would not step outside of my comfort zone.

Working towards recovery is hard, it is scary, and it’s uncomfortable but the only way to recover is to take action.  

And you will fall, and hit many bumps along the way and there will be days when you want to give up altogether. Hey, it will even happen, but it is about getting back up again. The truth be told you will learn something along the way, and it might feel like 3 steps forward, and 2 steps back but you are still making progress with the steps and for me at the time, I didn’t even know. This was mainly due to my black-and-white thinking, I didn’t realise it was working on a level that allowed me to learn about flexibility and expectations. 

Please know this is all part of the process but the only way to move forward is to pick yourself up and keep going. With each uncomfortable step you take, the stronger you become and the closer you get to recovery. It’s worth it, I promise.

Mistake number 3- Not getting enough support.

This is a big one. The ED voice tells you that you aren’t sick enough, it tells you not to burden anyone, and it tells you that you don’t need anyone as you’re not worthy enough. 

Your ED is lying to you.

Not getting support and trying to recover alone is one of the biggest mistakes in ED recovery. I cannot stress this enough. You are worth it – something I discovered in hindsight so I’m telling you now. 

The truth is EDs thrive on loneliness, but recovery thrives on connection.  

I know it’s hard to put your trust in others, I know it’s hard to reach out for support, but you can’t do this alone.

Please don’t be afraid to reach out for help and get the support that you need to get through this. It is important to know to that you might not click with everyone and that is ok. Everyone is different which is why it is ok to keep looking for the right support. At the end of the day, it is about the connection and who you can relate to best. 

Wrap up

Give yourself permission to make mistakes, to retest situations, because there is a point where from being in it, you would have had enough and realise you are experiencing feelings and ways of life that feel much better than the eating disorder ever did. 

Repeat the lessons and experience it all. The dots will join, the inner connection will form, and the small unchartered steps will lead to the biggest transformation of them all. It is all part of the process. Remember this can take years to finally conquer, I know for me it did but with a fundamental process it set me free.

I never would have thought a full recovery of a life free of food issues, weight, or shape, and even the life I live now to even be in the picture 5 years ago. I believe recovery is possible for everyone, it doesn’t come without hard work, but I can tell you what is on the other side is worth it.    

Click here to work with me 

Big love Lex ❤️